First holiday of a new relationship..
So you meet someone in the spring, you both have city breaks booked with friends and after a couple of months of dating, chatting about holidays turns into one of you casually suggesting a trip together.
It's fun and exciting whilst also a little scary planning and booking your first holiday. You only met a few months ago, you don't live together and you've only spent a few single nights away together so far.
How do you survive the first holiday of a new relationship without killing each other?
Having recently returned home from holiday myself, I thought I would share some of the realisations that I reached whilst away.
1. Have few expectations
If you've booked a beach holiday, you know it is going to be a week of pool, beach, meals and sex. Don't plan too much, just do a little bit of research to see if there's anything happening where you're going that week or any must visit places that might interest one or both of you eg a party, festival, sporting event or great restaurant that needs a reservation. Don't expect everyday to be perfect just look forward to spending some quality time together. My friend once said to me "you will never spend as much time together as you will on holiday so don't worry if you don't get on 24/7" this was useful advice to receive.
2. Relax
For me, a holiday is a chance to rest, recover from work and an opportunity to lay on that sunlounger and bask in the sunshine. My new boyfriend was also looking for something similar. Thank god! I find that the best way to relax but not get bored is to alternate day trips with days at the pool/beach. If most days you are on and off buses to other parts of the island, boat trips and walking around sightseeing in the midday sun, you will both be drained from the heat, hungry and get a bit snappy. "Hangry!" So if there's places you really want to see, alternate them with a day relaxing by the hotel's pool or on the nearest beach.
3. Compromise
It is both of your holidays so you both should have opportunities to pick where to eat, drink or what you fancy doing that day. On my recent holiday, we did not intend to alternate who chose where to eat but that ended up being the pattern. For us, it worked well. No traipsing back and forth around the marina trying to agree on somewhere to eat for lunch or dinner. Same goes for paying, alternate. My boyfriend is a golfer and I knew he would like to catch some of the Open on TV whilst we were away. We compromised by finding somewhere playing the sport whilst we ate lunch. I would read the paper or take advantage of the free wifi. (Waiter: "Any questions about the menu?" Me: "Yes, what is the wifi password please?") On our first day there, we both enjoyed watching the Wimbledon final (my request) so it was only fair that I suggested catching the golf which I knew he would enjoy.
4. Emergence of each others (annoying) habits
Spending 24 hours a day together for 7 days is bound to expose each other's habits. You should of course be able to be yourselves around each other but really that wouldn't work now would it. You have to be considerate of the other person and be quite aware of your annoying habits. I generally am a quiet and calm person, I do have my moments where I get excited and liven up but to be honest a lot of the time I just don't speak! Can you imagine spending a week on holiday with someone who would rather not speak? Poor lad. So I tried to make an effort to start conversations and to not always answer with one word. I tried to keep in mind that of the things he did to annoy me while we were away, that I would be doing things that annoyed him also. Really you have to just laugh about them!
5. Time to yourself
One thing that worked well for us this holiday was not constantly being joined at the hip. If my boyfriend wanted to snooze on the sunlounger and I wanted to do 20 lengths, we did just that. If I had just covered myself in suncream or just got to a "can't put the book down" chapter and he wanted to go buy ice creams, he'd go the shop and I'd stay put. I swam first thing after breakfast whereas most evenings my boyfriend would stay a while longer than me at the pool so he could get the last bit of sun and swim when the pool had emptied out. I would get head back to the room to get showered and my make up started as it took him barely 10 minutes to get ready for our evening meal. Selfishly, I like my own company and enjoyed having 30minutes to myself while he sunbathed, swam or caught the golf score at the pub outside the hotel. It worked wonders.
6. Jealousy
If you are a particularly jealous person, I can't really help you there but if you get a little jealous of the perfect size 8, bronzed girls strutting half naked passed your boyfriend's sunlounger all day, then I have a few tips. Look at the girls too, obviously you'll be wondering what workout and diet they followed pre holiday, what factor suncream they're using and where their bikini was from and not what he may (or may not) be thinking, but that will distract you from wondering if he's looking and what he's thinking. If you have a good one like me, I have not noticed his gaze lingering on anyone (yet) but thank god for sunglasses eh ! They probably half the amount of arguments jealous couples have. I would not class myself as a particularly jealous girlfriend but when it comes to the couple's massages offered on most beaches abroad, just make sure your boyfriend gets the male masseur and not the pretty Thai girl!
7. Bodily functions
My dad used to say to dump a guy if they every farted infront of me. Well I didn't do that, I would of had to dump him on one of the first few days of the holiday if I'd of stuck to that advise! You have two options, you can either laugh about it or ignore it. If one of you has a reaction to the food, follow the rule above again and perhaps give each other a little space too!
8. Support and appreciate each other if things go a bit wrong
Most holidays, I have a recurring issue of shockingly severe reactions to mosquito bites, I won't apall you with the images I had to take for the insurance, but I mean horrific swelling and inflamation which unfortunately requires medical attention due to the severity and implications left untreated. I am used to them now so this time, was able to remain particularly calm but it is still uncomfortable, embarrassing and does have an impact on my holiday. Neither can you remain in control or sexy with a leg the size of an elephant's so that went out the window! My new boyfriend had never seen anything like it but was sympathetic, caring and supportive. When I needed sympathy he gave it, when I needed him to take charge and go down to hotel reception at 2am when we realised how badly infected it was, he took charge and when I needed to shed a silent tear or two he looked the other way whilst holding my hand. Massive brownie points for getting everything so right even only after knowing me a few short months. If it had of been the other way around I hope I would of been as supportive as he was.
9. "I woke up like this" - Beyonce
Don't waste time applying makeup before he wakes up. A few days in you'll have a tan anyway and won't need to. The most you could do on waking up, is nip to the toilet, then give your teeth a quick brush or swill a bit of mouthwash around before that morning kiss. If you are really shy about your natural face, get your eyelashes and/or brows tinted before your holiday which gives a natural but obviously more defined finish. Your skin will darken each day and your cheeks will naturally be flushed from the heat also. I find that my skin is it's softest on holiday from applying suncream and aftersun everyday anyway. I drink a lot of water whilst away and find my skin glows particularly from having a break from foundation all day. On holiday, you should be looking and feeling refreshed and relaxed with no work and or homelife stresses so will probably be quite happy with what you see when you look in the mirror one day not too far into your trip.
10. Enjoy getting to know each other!
This is your opportunity to get to know each other. All the things that matter so little but interest us so much. Is he a morning person or a night owl? Is he a quick reader? Does he tip the waiters? Does he embarrass you with a patriotic England flag beach towel? Will he miss British tea? Is he a hand holder? Does he favour PDA? Play twenty questions whilst sat on your balcony chatting into the small hours. Find out his favourite colour, Haribo sweet, celebrity crush. What did he want to be growing up? Spend evenings strolling around the markets, dancing all night or chatting in a hammock under the stars. A week's holiday is the ideal time to really get to know each other. Take advantage of it.
If, on arriving home, you've discovered he isn't for you, then at least get off the plane and through baggage claim before you end the relationship! However, if the holiday was a success then you can begin looking forward to the next one you'll take together. Happy holidays!
Kitty x
